Love & Energy

For years I have signed my emails (and snail mail) with the signature, “Love & Energy.”  In sales, and charged with motivating a team of like-minded women, it seemed like a natural way to sign off.

Recently a friend responded back and asked, “Hey, what’s with the Love & Energy thing? Are you channeling your Middle Eastern vibe?”

I laughed.  I have long known that most people have no idea why I sign correspondence that way.  After all, what does it mean to give energy to someone?  We understand giving love…we understand prayer…but energy?  That’s just kind of weird.

It started over a decade ago at a large dinner.  We were visiting with a group of friends, some we hadn’t seen for years.  The problem was…the group included one of those friends that you love but you know is offended by everything you say.

If you ask questions about their life…you are being nosey.

If you don’t ask questions about their life…you are ignoring them.

If you talk about your life…you are bragging (or whining, depending on what you share).

If you talk to the others at the table…you must like those people more.

If you tease…they think you are making fun. Humor is just not understood.

I was so worried about saying something that would cause him to feel hurt or offended, that I had a miserable time.  I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the family for concern over saying something wrong.  I noticed that many of us seemed to be struggling with our conversations that evening – he is just a challenge to be around.

At the end of the meal I was exhausted.

Driving home I told my husband, “I am so tired.  Sitting next to him wore me out.  I feel like there is no energy left in my body.”

The next day I had lunch with a friend.  We talked and laughed and did what we always do…shared our lives over food.  I left her presence feeling revived.

Driving home again, this time alone, I couldn’t help but contrast the two meals.  One I left tired, the other I left energized.

“He is an energy-taker.”  I said out loud to no one in particular.  “He sucks all the energy out of everyone around him.”  (I was referring to my easily offended friend.)  “In fact,” my thoughts were still wondering, “maybe we are all either energy-givers or energy-takers.”

With that I started a list…  (Names have been changed.)

My husband — giver

My son — giver? (The question mark was because he was a teenager then – and it had been a rough week.)

Kara — giver

Charles — taker

Suzanne — giver

Samantha — taker

And on and on I went doing a mental checklist of close friends and family and how I felt when I was around them.

Then I had another thought.  How do they feel when they are around me?  When they leave me are they tired?  Do I wear them out?  Am I an energy-giver or an energy-taker?

It was food for thought.

I made up my mind that day that whenever possible, I would be an energy-giver.  I wanted people to leave my presence feeling better than when they came.  I never wanted anyone else to have that exhausted feeling I had felt the night before.  I wanted people to feel free in my presence to be themselves and if they were tired, to feel better or at least hopeful about their situation when they walked away.

It’s a big idea. I don’t always do it right.  Often, in daily conversation, I will catch myself not speaking with energy or offering hope. Truthfully, there are many days I don’t feel like I have any energy to spare.

During the time I was taking care of my mom’s end-of-life needs I was a taker far more than a giver. One day, after an extended phone conversation with my friend, Melanie, I had to call her right back.  “I need to apologize.” I said. “I was whiny.  I was not choosing hope and I was not being who I know to be.”  She was gracious and easy as always, and reminded me that everyone deserved a whiney day or two.

I agreed.  But I also recognized that even on the days when I’m most overwhelmed, I have the ability to offer kindness or encouragement to someone else.  My misery does not need to become the thing that people remember most about me.

It has been a conscious decision to try to live my life this way.  The goal of leaving people better than they came helps me take the focus off of my circumstances and insecurities.  I fail at it far more often than I succeed, but being an energy-giver is something I intentionally try to do.

So if you receive an email signed, “Love & Energy,” just smile.  It’s my way of sending you a bit of both.  Hopefully, you will pass it on to someone else.

How do you make people feel? Are you an energy-giver or an energy-taker?  Who have been the energy-givers in your life?