It was over a decade ago that I sat huddled under a blanket on a cold Oklahoma Friday night. It was the first round of the football play-off season during my son’s sophomore year in High School. We had won the state tournament the year before so expectations were high.
It was an away game, but that didn’t mean anything to our fans. The bleachers held more people on our side of the stadium than they did on the side of the home team.
Unfortunately, our boys were not playing well. What was happening on the field was not characteristic of them; there were missed tackles, dropped passes and a fumble. The team couldn’t seem to do anything right. Mistake after mistake was being made…it was like watching someone self-destruct in front of your eyes.
What was taking place in the stands was even more unsettling. The parents and fans that usually yelled with gusto and applauded with ease had become silent. There was no energy and there was certainly no sense of community.
As frustration levels rose, their silence changed to grumbling and from there to anger. The fan base, known locally for their support and positivity, were becoming loud and unruly.
At first they were just mad at the coaches. “That coach is an idiot. He needs to take Dan* out and put the back-up in.”
That changed quickly into anger at the referees.
“Stupid refs. They can’t make a good call. I wonder who is paying them?”
“Hey Ref, you need glasses.”
“Go home Ref.”
Soon someone began yelling, “HOME-ER!” (Inferring the refs were being bought off by the home-team.)
That escalated to the entire bleachers filled with fans yelling, “Home-er! Home-er! Home-er!” in unison. It was embarrassing.
The refs didn’t like it too much either. One of them turned around, walked toward our side of the field and signaled it to stop. That, of course, just made it worse.
It was far more than the usual, almost expected Friday night fan interaction. This was negative and bordering on meanness.
It wasn’t too long before they started to yell at the boys. (I need to say that this was the ONLY time I ever saw this happen. Our fans were typically the best anywhere.) One dad, furious at what a man had yelled at his son, stood up and challenged back “Hey, that’s my kid.”
It was getting ugly.
At that point I realized that I was angry too, but not at the coaches or the refs. I was angry with my friends. Where did all the nice people that I loved go?
I was angry and frustrated at the way the adults were acting. I couldn’t decide what bothered me most…the awful second-quarter score or the downward spiral of our fans.
That’s when it happened. I didn’t know it was coming. It was a total surprise. It just sort of welled up and came out of my mouth. “SAY SOMETHING NICE,” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Everything went silent for a second. I had screamed it at the exact moment there was a lull in the cheering. I screamed it loud enough for most of my side of the bleachers to turn and stare at me.
Lewis, a pastor from our church sitting two rows in front of me turned around and gave me a thumbs-up sign. “Good words, Claudine,” he said with a grin.
My husband looked at me like I had two heads. “Tell us how you really feel.”
I was mortified. I didn’t know I was going to say anything, let alone that anyone would hear me. It just came out…involuntarily.
It did however, change the tone of those sitting around me. We lost the game, but the raucous crowd settled down a bit and occasionally cheered for the team instead of against the refs.
Last week I was reminded of those feelings all over again.
Several friends posted a link to a skit from Jimmy Kimmel. In it he ridiculed people who choose to not vaccinate their children.
I know. I know. It was just in fun. He is a comedian. That’s what he does for a living.
But it isn’t fun. In any other situation it would have carried another name.
Bullying.
It’s a phenomenon I’ve watched grow more and more acceptable in our culture over the last decade or so. We love to laugh and we love most to laugh at the expense of other people – especially those we disagree with. We draw a line in the sand, paint the situation with a broad brush and say everyone on the other side of my opinion is wrong.
Even if we feel that, when did it become appropriate or acceptable to call people names?
I’m really not here to have a debate on vaccinations. I actually don’t care if you are pro-vaccine or anti-vaccine, a Republican or Democrat, a Christian or an Atheist, or if you watch Fox or MSNBC. I’m not arguing the validity of anyone’s point of view.
What I am questioning is why we need to tear down someone with a different point of view than ours. It’s everywhere we turn…social media, television, cable news, even dinner conversation with friends.
I have come to believe that it is a tactic of the insecure or unchangeable. After all, it takes a lot more effort to listen to someone with a different opinion, than it does to throw out a string of one-liners about how they are wrong.
Years ago, for a short time, I sat in a church where the minister did the same thing to his people. He didn’t use words like idiot or moron or stupid (like the doctors did in the Jimmy Kimmel skit). Instead, when anyone questioned or disagreed with him on a subject, he would stand in the pulpit the next week and tell his congregation how he had been “persecuted.”
He was a divider instead of a uniter and he played one side of the congregation off of the other. Instead of dialogue, it was easier for him to ridicule or ostracize the ones who had a different viewpoint. He de-Christianized anyone who didn’t agree with him and he left a trail of broken bodies behind.
It was manipulation at best and bullying at worst. It was something we would be quick to call out if we saw it happen nowadays.
Why then, when it comes to satire or comedy, do we throw common sense out the window? (Trust me, I’m guilty too.)
I wonder if it is because it confirms our point of view and makes us feel like we are right. You know… the champions of the cause…the one who understands the real issue.
The sad part is when you are the one on the opposite side, the one being called an idiot or stupid or uneducated…it hurts. When you are compared to a terrorist or a communist when you are no such thing…it stings. When you are called out in public because you disagree with someone…it breeds distrust.
It also builds walls.
Why would I ever want to listen to someone who thinks that about me? Why would I trust them to sit down and have meaningful dialogue about our differences?
I drive a school bus part-time, it supports my ministry habit. When I have a kid on my bus calling another kid names I call him out. He gets not only a talking to from me, but a slip to take home for his parents to sign. (Hopefully, they will get on to him, too.) I know that if I let him keep it up others will join him and it will escalate pretty quickly. That’s how fights start. That’s how people become enemies. (And if you don’t think this is a valid point, then you haven’t been watching as friends and families divide over this vaccine issue.)
I realize that most people don’t see satire this way. But it’s troubled me for a long time.
If the best thing we do to defend our point of view is to belittle someone else, who really wins? No one!
Most issues are simply not black and white. People on both sides typically have real and heartfelt reasons for their opinions. It usually has nothing to do with being uneducated and backwards.
What if instead of making fun of my adversary I asked, “Could we have a cup of coffee and a bit of conversation about this? I’d love to hear why you feel this way.”
My mom always told me that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
I think she was right.
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that is will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 NASB