You probably already know that September is National Suicide Prevention Month. It was created to promote awareness and offer hope to those dealing with the temptation of suicide, as well as those who have lost someone because of it.
I have known only a handful of people who have taken their own lives. I have known many, many more (including my husband), who have dealt with the temptation or desire to do so. It is an awful place to live. The sense of hopelessness is suffocating. The guilt and burden of those trying to help their loved one is nearly unbearable as well.
Treatment is hard. It requires medical care, intervention, steady conversation and clear boundaries. Even then, there are no guarantees that it can be stopped. Some have struggled with it due to mental illness; others due to a loss of hope; still others choose it because of guilt or shame and a fear of letting people down.
I want to share some thoughts that have been swirling in my brain these last few weeks about the last two…the loss of hope and the burden of guilt and shame, especially in regard to those who claim the name of Christ.
The thoughts started rolling in my head a week or so ago when I read the story of a pastor/seminary professor who took his own life when the Ashley Madison hack was leaked. He had struggled with depression for years, so when his name was exposed on the list, his fears that he would lose his job, embarrass his family, and be a blight on his life mission sent him over the edge.
His is a tragic story and it made me angry. Not at this man, but at the culture we have created that makes suicide look better than disappointing those we love.
It also brought back an avalanche of emotion.
I remember clearly the despair I felt all those years ago during our “Great Depression” (the time in our early 30s when both my husband and I were clinically depressed). I wanted to run away. Larry just wanted to stop hurting. (He was suffering with severe pain which we believed at the time was rheumatoid arthritis.)
I was never suicidal. He said he thought about it almost every day for months.
When I realized what he was thinking I was paralyzed with fear. What if I said or did something wrong? What if I drove him to it? Why were Logan and I not enough for him to want to stay?
I also felt totally unable to share my fears with anyone. Suicide carried a stigma that was even worse than depression. No Christian I knew EVER talked about feeling suicidal. It was almost like the unpardonable sin. There was incredible guilt associated with even thinking about it.
That was over twenty years ago and I’m afraid not much has changed. As a Christian community we have not grown far.
We have created an atmosphere where sin is hidden instead of confessed. Where struggles are swept under the rug. Where shame and guilt are common. Where our responsibility to “be perfect” has created an expectation in our culture that when Christians fail they are hypocrites.
NO, they aren’t…they are human. We all are. We all fail. We all have things we have done that need grace.
Our brothers and sisters often don’t admit their struggles because of their fear of our response.
We have a tendency to point out others’ failures and sins while keeping ours hidden.
This is not what scripture commanded, and the world laughs at us because of it.
My friends, what is hidden can’t be healed!!!!
In the book, The Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonhoeffer said,
“The community of the saints is not an “ideal” community consisting of perfect and sinless men and women, where there is no need of further repentance. No, it is a community which proves that it is worthy of the gospel of forgiveness by constantly and sincerely proclaiming God’s forgiveness…”
How I wish this professor had been able to understand this. There are no limits on redemption.
How many tragedies and wounds could be avoided if we were honest, confessing our struggles, praying for each other, forgiving each other and offering hope?
How many doubters would be influenced when they saw us sharing grace, admitting our own failures, and walking alongside those who struggle?
How many lives could be saved if those contemplating taking their life could feel unafraid to say so?
It takes courage to change the status quo. The great lie of the enemy is that it can’t be done…that the shame and embarrassment and pain will never end…that we are beyond repair and no one cares anyway.
The truth is…nothing is beyond God’s grace to forgive.
There is life after depression. There is freedom and joy and laughter!!!
As a community we can offer this to each other by standing with (instead of fleeing from) those who struggle with mental illness, depression and thoughts of suicide.
God help us walk with those we don’t understand…
…God help us become a community of grace.
If you are struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, know that you are not alone. There are many like you.
Don’t be afraid. Please tell someone. I promise, God has better things in store for your life.
There is always hope…
Resources
National Suicide Prevention Hotline Phone: 800-273-TALK (8255)
Mental Health America – For a referral to specific mental health service or support program in your community. Phone: 800-969-NMHA (6642)
National Alliance on Mental Illness – Provides support, information, and referrals Phone: 800-950-NAMI (6264)
Helpguide.org – A trusted guide for mental health and well-being.
Thanks, Lela, Another “great one” Love you, Bea
Excellent article, so glad that no one or no sin is beyond forgiveness and redemption. So much about mental illness that is misunderstood. My family is still suffering the aftermath of our loved one being bi-polar and the result of the poor decisions he made due to not being able to handle the disease properly. May God truly help us all to become more about grace and less about perfection. More about truth and less of deception, more about confession and less of hiding our weaknesses and sin. So thankful we are all equal at the foot of the cross.