When I turned 45 I began to make “before I turn 50 “goals.
“Before I turn 50, I will clean my house.”
“Before I turn 50, I will write another book.”
“Before I turn 50, I will take a trip with my husband, just us.”
“Before I turn 50, I will learn to cook.”
On and on I went. I love goal-setting so it was fun to look at the things I wanted to do differently and plot out a plan to get there.
By the time I turned 48, my list was narrowing. I had begun to learn cooking basics, I had hired someone to help me clean (because sometimes you need a little help). I was writing and sharing stories with my friends. There were really only three things that seemed elusive.
“Before I hit the BIG 5-0 I want to be de-cluttered, debt-free and skinny!” I popped-off to a friend one day. I was only half-kidding.
“Bhaha!” She nearly choked on her drink. “Those are good ones,” she said, wiping her face with a napkin. “You got me.”
I was being silly and she knew it, but in my heart I knew I NEEDED to be serious. I was in the middle of dealing with my mom’s Alzheimer’s; handling her details had turned me into more of a hoarder than I already was. On top of that, I had gained an additional twenty pounds on my already overweight frame.
So I carried those goals around, almost like a banner, flippantly sharing them with friends and family.
Almost without exception, they replied with a resounding, and very skeptical, “Good luck.” (Not a strong vote of confidence was it?)
My husband reminded me several times, “Remember, you don’t have to get all of them done in a year. Maybe just get started.”
A couple of my friends actually laughed out loud. (Well, it IS funny.)
It didn’t bother me. I understood why they laughed — first, because they know me, and second, because they know themselves.
Those three goals are universal. Almost all of us have talked about them at one point or another. Most of us struggle with at least one of those areas. So when they laughed, they weren’t exactly laughing at me…they were also laughing because it hit pretty close to home for them, too.
That was years ago. I’m well past 50 now. It’s another New Year and I’m still chasing those three goals. (Well, I did lose that 20 lbs.)
The good news is that there has been progress. It has just been far slower than I ever imagined. But if I hadn’t thought about them, would I have made any progress at all?
Probably not.
That’s the thing about goals. We need them. They help us know the direction we want to go – sort of a road map for the things we need to change or accomplish. Most often they are difficult and painful and slow.
I could be frustrated at my lack of completion (or even improvement). Instead, I have to remind myself that baby steps are okay. I don’t have to have everything finished tomorrow. I just have to keep trying.
A number of my friends won’t set goals because they say they will just fail and not finish.
Not me!
Even when I don’t finish, I set them again for the next year: goals for my family life, my home and my work. Short term goals that I know I can finish. And some out-there goals that make me stretch.
Usually, I hit a few.
Sometimes I get to the end of the year and realize that some weren’t that important after all.
Always, there are one or two that are necessary enough to be added to the New Year’s list to continue to be worked on. (Like being debt-free, de-cluttered, and skinny!)
I think most goals need a long view.
You have to focus on the end result…the growth on the journey…the finish line. If we stop in the middle we’ll never finish the race.
So here I am…two weeks into another new year…plodding along…only slightly changed…still headed in the right direction.
The difference is that, years ago, I would have been anxious and angry at my slowness.
Today, because age has a way of making me appreciate progress, I am valuing my successes, giving grace for the failures and moving forward.
I’m okay with that (but I’d still like to be skinny).
Love it , Lela
As Paul said, “going on TOWARD perfection!”